Still, I can't deny that it does indeed hurt. I can only hope that it won't mess up my system like last time. Granted, I will probably be just fine tomorrow or in a few days, but still, it is a rather unique kind of experience. A unique kind of pain - it is not physical in its source, my brain is just sending signals to my body to hurt. Which is kind of cool, if you think about it. Kinda.
Why would you choose to hurt? Choose to feel pain? I mean it is an interesting question. The answer reveals how messed up you are, because there is no logical reason to make that choice. For me - first of all because it is human to hurt. To be sad when you encounter something bad, to weep when you feel like it. Same goes for joy by the way, but you will have to forgive me for being somewhat down right now. Negative emotions develop uus more than the positive.
Bien. J'ai juste pense si je peux ecrire sur mes experiences et penses en francais. Et oui, je peux, bien que je faire probablement assez d'erreurs et que j'utilise clavier anglais sans certains symbols. Donc. Je faire ce chois parce que je veux restore plus humain que je serais, si je choisirai abandonner tous mes emotions. Est-ce que ce chois le plus productive? Non. Va-t-il ameliorer quelquechose? Peut-etre. Parce que bien qu'il ne va pas m'aider mes abilites professionel, ou mon humeur, ou meme ne va pas me faire plus herueux, il me va donner les belles reves, si je peux sa dire. Les reves profondes et sombres, mais si belles...
And yes, I make that choice quite consciously and after some thought. I am making choice to favour what comes from feeling more than what comes from mind. Stupid choice. Still, the fact that I am capable of making it consciously and intentionally is proof that my efforts in building the... let's just call it combination of a good failsafe that yanks me back when I lose control and good... heck, I don't even know what to call it, interface? Yes, interface, between my head and things about myself I can't control.
Anyway, sorry, after this... no.
Как бы то ни было, извиняюсь, после этих нескольких записей дневник вернется в норму. В смысле таких дурацких записей не будет. Ну или вообще записей как и раньше почти не будет - черт его знает. Ну нужно же мне куда-то выветриваться? А людей жалко.